dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
Randomize