if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
I'm like, not good at living.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
