Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
one might say we're banned from that church
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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