how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
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