Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
