At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Randomize
