i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
Randomize
