she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
