just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
