if only i could text you this smell
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Randomize
