Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
