Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize