how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
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