Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
Randomize
