I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
Randomize
