im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
