It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
