i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
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