Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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