I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
