ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
Randomize
