R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
40s are totally the cure
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Randomize
