he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
I wish they made helmets for livers.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
I stole a fireplace last night.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
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