She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
Randomize