I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
