What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Help. Why am I so naked?
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
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