That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
Randomize
