when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
Randomize
