I'm jealous of your bromance
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
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