No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
Randomize
