I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Randomize
