The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Randomize
