Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
she pinky promised me she was 18
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
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