I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize