I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
