I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
