God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
