Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
