There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
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