My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
When are your genitals available?
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize
