What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
Randomize
