Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Randomize
