Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Randomize