LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
You had me at "let me see your balls"
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
did i just pee glitter
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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