I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
The chlamydia really affected his face.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
