Screwed.edu
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Randomize
