I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
