I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Randomize
