I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
Randomize
