I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
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