This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
Randomize
