i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
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