Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
Of course I have a pirate flag
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
