Yeah....I really appreciate it....I didn't even get it from hooking up....lame, atleast if a girl gets u sick when u r hooking up it was fun in its inception...
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
