He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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