your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
Randomize
