Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
Who did Billy Mays play for?
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Randomize
