apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
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