he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
