He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Randomize
