i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
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