I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
