PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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