And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
What a dumb baby whore.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Randomize
