K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
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