My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Randomize
