id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
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