I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
