She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
