I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Randomize
