I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
Randomize
