She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Randomize
