so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize
