Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Randomize
