i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
His hands were made for my vagina.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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