Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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