Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
my nose is crying tears of wow.
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