I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Randomize
