hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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