If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
