he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
