Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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