It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
