When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
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