You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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