shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
