Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(847): View more from Illinois

just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity

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(806): View more from Texas

Jesus knows you're telling a lie.

(832): View more from Houston, Texas

Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup

Fav 6 5139 1041
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(414): View more from Wisconsin

She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"

Fav 30 848 8046
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(803): View more from South Carolina

Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.

Fav 18 3800 1415
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(978): View more from Massachusetts

They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.

Fav 46 7731 1753
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(438): View more from Quebec

that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage

Fav 12 1630 4765
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(856): View more from New Jersey

It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.

Fav 19 4125 1896
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(+61): View more from Australia

I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.

Fav 4 558 752
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(724): View more from Pennsylvania

Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.

Fav 0 64 28
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