I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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