I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
