You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
Randomize
