I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
pray to the hookup gods
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
