I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
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