Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
Who did Billy Mays play for?
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
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