I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
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