You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
