Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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