So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
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