my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
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