Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize