I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
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