I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
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