My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Randomize
