Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
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