Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
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