i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize