I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
you're hired as official boob wrangler
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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