if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
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