I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
