and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
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