My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Randomize
