I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
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