She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
Randomize
