Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
Did you pee in the oven last night??
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