Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
Randomize
