and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Randomize
