His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
I look excited, but its just a facade.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
