dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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