just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
Randomize
