In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
