Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
I won't apologize to a one balled man
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
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