We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
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