I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
Randomize
