remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
I think i got beer on your cat.
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