Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
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