I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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