Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
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