nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
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