What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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