i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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